No more Bushes, no more Clintons

The once-inevitable Hillary-for-President juggernaut has run aground, having lost ten consecutive nominating contests to Barack Obama. While reports of her political death are premature, she's definitely on the verge of "snow ball's chance" territory.

No doubt the punditocracy will offer a myriad of reasons for her failure. These will include:

--poor planning, especially failing to consider the possibility that she would not have the nomination clinched by February 5th "Super Tuesday" contests.

--hubris; to wit, blowing off smaller states and caucuses, where Obama's fine ground organization beat her like a bastard stepchild.

--her husband and his ham-handed and overtly racist efforts on her behalf. America's so-called "first black president" has shown a streak of all-too-typical Arkansas cracker.

--Obama's many appealing qualities, combined with just enough residual White Guilt.

--Good old fashioned Sexism; for instance, the many characterizations of her laugh as a "cackle."

To these, I say, no, no, no. NO! While there's no doubt that some of the above dynamics have plaid a role in the decline of the Clinton campaign, the main thing working against her is George W. Bush.

As has been duly noted, were Hillary Clinton to win the presidency and serve two terms, that would mean a Bush or Clinton had been president for 28 consecutive years. And that's not even counting Bush-the-Elder's two terms as Vice President.

Our nation was founded in a war against a monarchy, and the Shrub's failed presidency has reminded us all of the dangers of hereditary dynasties.

There are something like 300 million Americans, and at least 299 million of them are not named Clinton or Bush.

The definition of insanity is not merely doing the same thing over and over--it's doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

And so it will be a cold day in Hell before I vote for anyone named Clinton or Bush.

The "Intelligent Designer" Seems Like Kind of a 'Tard

The fundamental premise of the "Theory" of Intelligent Design is that certain features of living organisms are too complex to have evolved without the direct intervention of an intelligent designer.

I'm sorry, but this theory doesn't pass the smell test. If this "designer" is so intelligent, why does shit stink? In an intelligently designed world, it seems to me, turds would smell like lilacs.

And why did He intelligently design childhood leukemia?

What prompted Him (or Her) to create kidney stones and athlete's foot?

Why was yellow fever designed to kill adults and spare children? In other words, why was it designed specifically to create orphans? Is the Intelligent Designer a pedophile? And for that matter, why did He intelligently design pedophilia in the first place?

What higher purposes are served by hemorrhoids and rectal warts?

Perhaps the Intelligent Designer wanted to immortalize his Uncle Parkinson and his Aunt Alzheimer.

I'm sure you see my point: the guy just doesn't seem very bright.

Maybe our Intelligent Designer finished last in his class at the Intelligent Design Academy. Perhaps in other far-off galaxies, there are humanoids whose pregnancies always end happily, and whose language has no word for "quadriplegic" because their spines are designed, intelligently, to be snap-proof.

It figures. We Earthlings get screwed again.

Why Does Hillary Clinton Hate the First Amendment?

What does Hillary Clinton have against free speech?

Consider this recent news story. MSNBC's David Shuster found the way the Clintons have been deploying 27-year-old daughter Chelsea on the campaign trail to be a "bit unseemly." "Chelsea's out there calling up celebrities, saying support my mom, and she's apparently also calling these super delegates." Shuster then had the temerity to offer the following rhetorical question: "Doesn't it seem like Chelsea's sort of being pimped out in some weird sort of way?"

In response, the Clinton campaign threatened to boycott future debates on MSNBC, including one on February 26 in Ohio.

Of course, Shuster and his bosses at MSNBC caved like cheap lawn furniture. Shuster has been suspended, although he is apparently free to go on the air to prostrate himself before the Clinton Machine at regular intervals, issuing two on-air apologies Friday.

On MSNBC's "Morning Joe," Shuster phoned in and tried to patch things up. "Last night I used a phrase, some slang about her efforts. I didn't think that people would take it literally, but some people have, and to the extent that people feel I was being pejorative about the actions of Chelsea Clinton making these phone calls, to the extent that people feel I was being pejorative, I apologize for that. I should have seen people would see it that way. I'm sorry."

I'm never happy when people are forced to apologize for exercising their First Amendment rights. Such apologies tend to erode that Right. After all, the Constitution doesn't protect merely inoffensive speech. David Shuster shouldn't have apologized at all, and it's a damned shame his bosses don't have the stones to back him up.

If anything, the Clinton campaign should apologize to Shuster, not vice versa. After all, what he said was pretty bland, "Pimped out" is a slang term that's lost all but the vestiges of its sexual meaning. There's a TV show called Pimp My Ride. The recent history of "pimp" is roughly similar to 'bitch," which was made verboten by 1970s feminists but has since lost most of its gender specificity and become much more socially acceptable.

But I would cut Shuster some slack for his unnecessary apology. Maybe he's got a killer mortgage and can't afford to lose his job. Unfortunately, his first apology wasn't good enough for her Royal Highness, so Shuster was back on the air later in the day with a more suitably abject apology.

“I used a phrase that was inappropriate. I apologize to the Clinton family, the Clinton campaign and all of you who are justifiably offended,” he said Friday evening on “Tucker.” “As I said this morning on MSNBC, all Americans should be proud of Chelsea Clinton, and I am particularly sorry that my language diminished the regard and the respect she has earned from all of us, and the respect her parents have earned in how they raised her."

I'm sorry, I just puked a little in my mouth.. The respect Bill Clinton has earned as a parent? For turning his marriage into a national laughing-stock? And I have nothing particular against Chelsea, but what has she ever done to earn my respect, other than survive to adulthood while being raised by two of the most cynical political hacks in the history of American politics?

And really, shouldn't a prospective President of the US embrace America's most cherished freedom? Rather than fall all over herself for a chance to play the victim? I don't believe Hillary gives a rat's ass about the First Amendment. All she cares about is Power and how to Get It.

So Hillary, chill your bitch-ass out! Your husband's the King Pimp of the Universe, and he peddled your ass--and Chelsea's too--a long time ago, to save the dregs of the first Billary Admninstration.

And if you've got a problem with me saying so… don't hold your breath waiting for me to apologize.